Friday, October 31, 2008

印象台北之冬季到台北来看雨

冬季到台北来看雨。

这是我的浪漫狂想曲。

十月下旬,其实应该还没入冬,是换季的时候吧?网页上的天气预报显示台北会下雨。

刚到台北车站,就碰上毛毛细雨。细细的小雨忽然大了起来。我有备而来,从行李找出雨伞,就这样,我右肩背着大旅行袋,左手撑着伞,在台北的路上行走。

只是,才没走几步,雨又收敛了。在不痛不痒的微弱细雨中,撑着伞站在十字路口,实在没意思,过了街又把伞收了。

这就是我在台北碰到的雨。

这雨,微微细细的,淋也淋不湿。

这雨,既矜持又含蓄。小小的雨滴似乎是凝结于空气中,在屋里看不到雨,走出来才感到水滴点在脸上和手臂上。

这雨,优柔寡断,缠缠绵绵。毛毛的细雨,一会儿纷纷落下,没两下子又收敛,似乎欲停,却又不止。阴霾的天空,好像就是无法释怀酝酿中的雨水。

这雨,就是猜不透它的心,像一个谜似的,不知是它是一点清凉的甘露,还是伤心的眼泪;不知到是无法释怀的缠绵,还是调皮的嬉水;不知道是阴霾的郁闷,还是宁静的潇洒。

这雨,其实不过是旅人的狂想曲。因为,在台北的这六天,既不是冬季,也没下多少雨:这六天,只有两天是雨天,其他都是大热天!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Wanderer in Taipei - Day 1

Taipei Day 1, 24th Oct

My flight to Taipei departs at 8:30am and I decided that I could save on the taxi fare by taking the first MRT train service. It's would take about 1.5 hours but I should be able to reach the airport around 7am, with enough time for check in.

I got to the MRT station at 5:15am. It's the first time I ever took the first train in the morning. I was surprised to find that there were quite many people already waiting on the platform for the first train service.

During check-in I was dismayed to find that what I thought was a very light luguage weighed 7kg. That means I only have 13kg left for shopping in Taipei.

It was all smooth travelling from Singapore to Taoyuan Airport. I took the Guoguang bus to Taipei Main Station for NT125.

When I arrived at Taipei Main Station, a light drizzle was falling. But I came prepared. I took out my umbrella and with a big luggage in tow, started to look for my guest house.

Happy Family Guest house

I had made a reservation at the Happy Family Guesthouse. The website had detailed pictorial directions to the guest house. But then, I thought I am smart enough to find the place with just the address and a rough map, so I did not print the directions. I overshot and walked a few rounds at the wrong side of the road trying to locate the lane it was located at. When I finally found it, it turned out to be just directly opposite where I got off the bus! It was not obvious to me because the small lane it was situated at was right next to the Civic Boulevard. I was looking for a lane between blocks of building.

The building was a little run-down (see picture) and there was no signage announcing the presence of a guest house at all. I was drenched in perspiration and and was not too happy to find the reception locked when I got up the narrow stairs. I had to call the number posted on the door to get the manager who was painting some rooms on the third floor. He was a friendly guy, got down my particulars and collected upfront the room charges for 5 nights -- NT$2250. At NT$450 per night, this was the cheapest private room I could find on the internet.

The room that I got was a small room with window overlooking the Civic Boulevard. There was a double deck bed and small side table and a cabinet with its two drawers missing. There was not enough space for me to get on the floor to do push ups -- not that I wanted to anyway. It would have been really tight if there were two people in the room.

The bed sheets were clean. No bed bugs (yes I checked first). The "blanket" was really a mattress cover. But it was clean and neat. No musty smell. It was a little stuffy, but there was a fan and a ventilator. There is only one shared bathroom per floor but it was not a problem since there were only 4 rooms on my floor. The toilet was clean and there was hot water.

Initially I was a little disappointed. I was expecting something slightly better given that I was paying about S$22 a night. But I forget. This is not Thailand or Vietnam.

Over the next few days, I got to appreciate the guest house and decided that I won't mind staying here again for my next trip. The best thing about it is the central location. It's literally right next to the MRT Taipei Main station. Come up from the correct exit and it's the guest house! There little things which made it nicer than other guest houses I have stayed in before. For example, there plenty of clothes hangers in the cabinet -- something I do not normally expect in a guest house. The cabinet had a long mirror. Free drinking water was provided which saved me quite a few dollars (bottled water is NT$20 for a half litre bottle, though occasionally you can find it at NT$10 a bottle). There was also hot water for hot drinks or cup noodles. There was a large fridge to store food and drinks (it was useful for me to keep some fruits which I could not finish). There was also free use of washing machine and computer with internet connection. So adding it up, it wasn't a bad deal at all. After all, this is Taipei, not Thailand or Vietnam.


Gin Gin bookstore

Once I checked in, I got my backpack, a carrier bag (I heard Taipei shops do not hand out free plastic bags) and a map and set off to Gin Gin bookstore.

This is the first and probably still the only gay bookstore in Taipei. I had not problem finding it since I had already check out the directions back in Singapore. From the web page, I thought it was a big place, but it turned out to be a lot smaller than I imagined. The books collection was also not as extensive I expected. There were far more erotica than the more "serious" stuff, like gender studies, self-help and literature.

I spent more than an hour in the shop, and basically blew my budget. I still came out of the shop with a full backpack and carrier bag, with a good mix of DVDs, novelty items, erotic fiction, manga, magazines, popular fiction and literature.


The first night market experience in Taipei

(I will write about finding vegetarian food in Taipei, particularly the night markets, in a separate blog: The Vegetarian Backpacker).


晶晶书局出来,天色已暗,肚子也饿了。我马上前往师大夜市。晶晶的店员告诉我只要到师大路走下去就是了。可是我在师大路只看到几个路边摊。我想这样就叫做夜市,未免太夸张了吧。(后来才发现原来夜市不是在师大而是在与师大路平行的龙泉街)。

既然找不着吃的,我确定去公馆解决晚餐。几天前在素食星球网上看到公馆附近的水源市场有素食档。从台电大楼捷运站到公馆只是一个站。出来时沿着指示往水源市场走。水源市场前的小街(90巷)就是夜市。我眼一亮,马上看到了一档素盐酥鸡。一时兴奋与好奇。盐酥鸡是台湾夜市的普通小吃,居然也有素的。到了档子一看,所谓的“鸡”根本就是新加坡到处都有的TVP(texturized vegetable protein)。但除了TVP外,还有挺多其他选择,如香菇、百页豆腐、椰菜花、薯条等。我选了一份香菇、一串肉丸子和一块象鸡扒的。老板把香菇切成块,沾上粉浆,投入热油里炸。炸好后,撒上盐,就是了。味道其实是不错,只是咸了点。

我吃着盐酥菇,走进水源市场,看见了一个素食摊。哇!水饺一份(10个)才NT$40!我还没吃完酥炸菇和肉丸子,还是叫了一份水饺。

吃饱了,出来小街走走,看到冰摊,要了一份芋头冰。我原以为是芋泥配冰,怎知是一块块的芋头。这回可吃撑了。

水源市场旁的90巷就这么短短一条街。我以为公馆夜市怎么也是一条小街,太没意思了。我开始怀疑台北的夜市是不是虚有其名。反正就到这里了,就在随便乱逛。走着走着,才找到了真正的公馆夜市。哇!真的是好多摊子。这时看到了一间有卖素包子的小店,叫做“蒸功夫”。我最喜欢吃包子了。可惜太饱了,真的吃不下了。

Eslite Bookshop 诚品书店

就在公馆路,我看到了新生南路的诚品书店,就走了过去。书店底层正好有人在给讲座,在谈吉他的破音什么的。音乐我不是很懂。吉他只会乱弹几个和弦。破音怎么弹我是不懂,所以也没兴趣听。一堆人挤在书架间,要看书也困难。反正也没心要买。明天还要到重庆南路的书局逛。那里的书局有折扣,所以没必要在成品书店买。我看了一下就走了。

在台北的第一天就怎么过去了。

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

This stinking skin bag

The Chinese Buddhists call the body a "stinking skin bag" (臭皮囊).

For a stinking skin bag, I must admit that I spend quite a lot of time on it. I estimate that I spend an average of about 5 hours per week in the gym between carrying weights or doing cardio exercises, which is a pretty significant amount of time.

I started going to gym seriously only about 3 years ago, when I started doing dragon boat. I had to build up my fitness to keep up with the dragon boat training. But if I were to stop dragon boating today, I would still continue to go to gym, simply because it sure feel good to have a nice physique! (Yes, it's vainity.)

There are good reasons to keeping fit and maintain a good physique. Besides the obvious health benefits and physical well-being, I must admit that it also contributes to self-esteem and confidence. It even helps in social life -- it's amazing how people appears to be friendlier if you look nicer.

However, the path to getting a good physique is fraught with many traps and pitfalls.

After having gotten by for so many years without without much attention, I found it rather disconcerting that people suddenly seems to notice me and be friendlier. For a while, I started to react with a bit of paranoia and suspicion. I kept wondering if they were really friendly because of who I am, or just because of the physique. It took me a while to put that aside and learn to appreciate that people can still be genuinely sincere even if they are attracted to physical appearance.

Then, there is the trap of putting gym as a higher priority above all other things. I knew this was a very common trap many of the gym rats got into. I could not remember if I ever told my friends that I can't meet them because I'm need to go to gym (ok, I confess, there are probably some people whom I rather pass over for gym), but I had to check myself from placing building a nice body over other important things in life.

I had been tempted many times over to take protein supplement. It was a temptation I had managed to resist so far though it keeps challenging me every now and then. Practically everyone who goes to gym and carry weights takes protein supplement. But I do not believe in it and I think it's not good for health. However, when you see people gaining results quickly after taking the supplements, it gets tempting. I had to ask myself many times over, what is the real motivation for working out. So far, I have resisted because I think it is really not good -- not just for health but for mental well-being as well.I did not want to get too built and start to worry about losing it if I stop the supplements -- that would be a bad mental state to get into.

Another thing I had consciously watched out for was if I had start to think of other people as less. I had indeed caught myself looking down on others. My disdain was not at those who do not have a good physique -- I can empathize with them having been there for so long -- but at those who are constantly enviously but not willing to put in the effort to work out. It's something I still have to work with.

Perhaps it was inferiority complex -- I keep thinking that I was not really that well-built. Then recently, a few things prompted me to look in the mirror honestly. I decided that I do now have quite a nice body -- good enough by my standards anyway.

It was then a good time to start contemplating what good has a nice physique done to me. Well, much good I think, except for one thing. Long ago, I thought if I have a nice physique, it would be easily to find a partner. Seriously, it did not make any difference.

However, what I discover was that although a good physique does bring about a better sense of well-being, it did not bring about the rooted sense of happiness and fulfilment that I was seeking. That is something which I think can be only obtained through the cultivation of wisdom and compassion.

In the end, I decided that a hot bod is definitely nice, but a cool head and a warm heart is far more important. However, there is no reason why a hot bod cannot contain a cool head and warm heart. I just must not loose sight of the fact that even a hot bod is nothing more than a "stinking skin bag" to contain the heart and mind.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Hot-bods vs no-bods

It's something that came back to my mind. Three few years ago, a war erupted between the hunks and the rest in a mailing list.

On one side, people accused of the hunks of being superficial & shallow, of being jerks, of being dismissive and condescending to the rest of the people who are not physically well-built, of "wasting" hours in gym for sheer vanity.

On the other side, the hunks accused the others of being lazy, of not willing to put in the physical effort to achieve what they are envious of, and, ironically, of the others being shallow too -- that they were treating hunks as nothing more than a piece of meat.

There were definitely some truths in the points brought out in both sides. What I found sad was the sheer bitterness in both sides of the divide in the emails that went back and forth.

I went through my email archives and found what I wrote in that discussion. Just wanted to checked if my opinion has changed or how has it changed.


Those who laments about be treated as a piece of meat:

If you think people only take you for your physical attributes only,
look into your heart and ask yourselves with all truthfulness and
honesty: do you look beyond the other party's lack of physical attributes?

Those who laments about all the hot bods being superficial:

If you think people dismiss you for your lack of or undesirable
physical attributes, again ask yourselves: do you look beyond the
physical attributes of the hot hunks?

It's easy to fault others. But who's without fault?

Bitterness doesn't get you any where.

What is sad is not because "there are so many jerks out there" (there
are only as many as you made them out to be). The sad thing is you
haven't met the right man. That's all....

Saturday, October 18, 2008

感恩

感恩的心,是世界上最贵重的心;
感恩的情,是世界上最宝贵的情。
再高贵的心灵,也要懂得感恩生命;
再卑微的生命,也怀着感恩的心。


取自《感恩:前世的五百次回眸》

五百次的回眸

佛说:前世的五百次回眸,才换来今生的擦肩而过。
你说:前世的五百次回眸,才换来今生的情怀依旧。
佛说:前世的五百次回眸,才换来今生的一朝拥有。
你说:为了这次的相遇,我在佛前求了五百年。

取自《感恩:前世的五百次回眸》背面。

Finding the right temperature

Wow! Someone says I'm hot. Ahem!

It's from a stranger who's requesting to be added as a friend on Facebook. As I do not have the habit of adding people whom I don't know, I asked if I had meet him some where before and if not, why he's adding me. He says it's because he thought I'm hot.

Hmm....

That's a description I do not hear a lot, and up to just recent years, it's a word that was never used to describe me. My association with "hot" probably only started after I started doing dragon boat and slowly build up a little physique. It still feels a bit strange.

I have no illusions. I know I'm no head turner. But I guess I am hot in my own ways, probably in ways not necessarily physical too. However, now that perhaps I'm a little hot, did it matter?

A hot body would be nice and I won't deny that. But I realized that what is more important to me is this -- to have a warm heart and a cool head.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Active Citizenship

A few weeks ago, a friend who was working on a thesis about sexual identity and national identity interviewed me. During the interview, I told him that I believed that active citizenship is critical in the creation of a national identity. When people have a sense of ownership and feel that they can make a difference in the place they call home, that's when they can have a strong sense of belonging. The problem is that our all-too efficient government has been running so many aspects of our society that majority of the Singaporeans have come to rely on the government to solve every little thing. I told the interviewer that I think the government needs to give more space and let people have a chance to participate in the civic movement.

I had been thinking about this issue since the interview. Then I read and encountered a couple of other things which prompted me to write in to The Straits Times. I commended the ST on the Goodness Gracious Me Project as a lead to say what had been on my mind. The point I really wanted to make was this:

"I always believe that in a mature and gracious society, people must care enough about where we live to put in personal commitments and efforts. As an important part of nation building and construction a national identity, people must be be able to actively participate in improving our own country -- from civic-mindedness to wide ranging of environmental and social issues."
This was what I sent in (verbatim) and the published version had the second part edited away.

It was really a very oblique way of saying "we need more space for civic movement."

It had not occur to me that letters get published online and people get to comment against it. I was a little shock to come across them. The comments were not flattering at all, to say the least.

But I think one person did attacked the critical part of the issue rightly -- is there really space for active citizenship?

I think in politics, it is obviously no. In other areas, I think it's not that there is no space, but rather the government coopted too much to allow a healthy development of active citizenship.

But there is some space, especially in the social aspects, for active citizenship. We have to start somewhere. You can only expand the space if you start working with what's available. If you don't make use of the space, it will only shrink further.


Below was what was printed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oct 15, 2008
TOWARDS A GRACIOUS SINGAPORE
ST project deserves praise
Corporations and individuals can do something to improve society, like the ST-led Goodness Gracious Me campaign, which aims to get foodcourt customers to clear their trays after meals. -- ST FILE PHOTO

I WOULD like to commend The Straits Times for launching the Goodness Gracious Me! project.

What has struck me about this project is that instead of waiting for the Government, say the National Environment Agency, to start a campaign, private citizens have taken it upon themselves to initiate a project to improve our own society.

All too often, Singaporeans have depended on government efficiency to fix everything. I always hear people complain and then add that they wish the Government would do something about it.

However, it has been heartening over the past few years to see the budding of civil societies in Singapore by individuals who take the initiative to try and make a difference.

I believe that in a mature and gracious society, people must care enough about where we live to make a personal commitment.

I am certain in the case of the Goodness Gracious Me campaign this must have been the case - that some individuals within the newspaper felt strongly about the situation to initiate the move that culminated in the project.

I compliment The Straits Times for its active citizenship. I think it serves as a reminder that the private sector, both corporate and individuals, can do something to improve our society.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

悸动

好久不曾悸动
已忘了那种滋味
今晚竟有人掀起涟漪
扰乱了心神
久久不能平息

Mussel-men in concert

I just came back from the charity concert A Nation in Concert. It was quite enjoyable, though I thought it could perhaps do with a bit more subtlety. The only part that disturbs me a bit was the part when Mantle gave fake fins to the "bottom crawlers" so that they can pretend to be "normal fishes". I wondered about the message behind that. That somethings people who are different need to pretend they are "normal"?

Now, I really need to give it to the playwright or the director who came up with the idea of getting muscle-men to act as mussel-men. It's a bit corny, but I'm not complaining about the eye candy! :)

Friday, October 10, 2008

Vegetarian love

A couple of days ago, a friend wrote to me, asking if going vegetarian could help bestow longevity to his father. He father had fallen ill and his friend had told him that if he could go vegetarian, he could generate good karma which could help prolong his father's life.

Actually, this is a pretty common belief among many Chinese Buddhists. I've know many who would go vegetarian for a period of time, either to pray for their loved one's health, or in thanks-giving after their loved one recovered from some major illness.

I told my friend honestly that I don't believe that going vegetarian could improve his father's health the way he thought.

Now, I do believe keeping a vegetarian diet does improve a person's health and probably leads to a longer life. There is a direct link between diet and a person's health, and a strong correlation n between meat consumption and incidences of modern "life-style diseases" like heart diseases, diabetes and cancer. (For more information about the correlation, I recommend the book The China Study by Dr. T. Colin Campbell). However, I do not believe that it improves another person's health through miraculous transference of good karma.

I still encouraged my friend to try go vegetarian anyway, for good reasons. By doing that, he personally benefits from avoiding meat consumption, and he provides support to his father to change to a vegetarian diet, which could well improve his father's health.

I remember many years ago, my mother was not well too. I was away in USA and at that time, I was not yet fully vegetarian. That time, I went vegetarian for one month to pray for my mother's well-being. With my understanding of Buddhism, I was quite clear then, that it was not going to generate good karma that will miraculously make my mother well. I still did it anyway. I was away from home and felt pretty helpless for not being able to do much. So I observed one month of vegetarian diet. It was my way of keeping my mother in mind and dedicating my love for her.

So, if anyone would ask me if they should go vegetarian for a while to dedicate merits to their loved ones, I would encourage them to do so. For them, going vegetarian is an expression of their love.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Voyeur at SDBA shower room

Yesterday, I noticed a person loitering at the SDBA shower room. He was there when I got into the shower room and was still hovering around after I finished showering.

In fact, he was still in there even after that last of my teammate was done with showering and "grooming" in front of the mirror.

After rowing so many years, this was the first time I encountered a voyeur at SDBA.

Perhaps some people may like the attention, but I think most people, including gay people as well, really don't like this at all.

Worse, such people only serves to create an even more negative image of gay people and make it harder for gay people to be accepted.

But there will always be such people around. One thing I came to realize is that, as we try to gain acceptance in the mainstream society, we cannot pretend that such people do not exists. There will always be some voyeurs, pedophiles, drug abusers etc around, just as they exists among the straight people as well.

Somethings, like pedophilia, are morally wrong. As for voyeurism, I definitely find it distasteful and rather disgusting, although I can't quite pin-point the ethical problem.

However, the problem I really struggle with is that, perhaps I really shouldn't be over-apologetic for such people. But rather, the straight people should realize that such people exists regardless of sexual identity, and it is not fair to use a few black sheep against the gay community as a whole.

懦弱

第一次:

那是两年前在槟城参加龙舟赛。比赛的前一天,我们先到赛场练习。当日太阳十分恶毒,晒得皮肤发烫。就在短歇时,也在练习的南大队靠了过来,还有一两艘船也靠近停着。

看着南大船队时,惊觉有个人好像对着我笑,打了招呼,比手指示太阳好晒。当时我只愣着,心理想,他不可能是在跟我打招呼吧?不可能的,怎么会注意到我?因该是在和其它船队的人打招呼。

我就呆呆地看着他的方向,一点反应也没有。


第二次:

那是回来新加坡不久,在加冷龙舟协会船只出租处。我走过碰见了他。他又朝着我的方向会意地微笑。当时我又是一愣,想着,他是不是在和其他人打招呼?不可能是我吧?我又是毫无反应继续走着。


后来再碰到他时,不再见他打招呼或微笑了,我想是我会错意了吧。


划龙舟的人很多,就算是每星期在同个地方训练,也未会必注意到或是认得某个人。但我意识到,他是认得我的。

他已从南大毕业了,在某家石油公司上班。几个星期前,再碰上他时,注意到他回头看了一眼。上个月的龙舟赛,又感觉到他望了过来。我一直怀疑着,那是有意思的注意,还是一种看到眼熟的人的动作?

只是自始至今,我始终没回过一个微笑。

许久以来,不曾与人说过,今天与朋友谈起这件事。当然,他们就是数落着,说我应该要至少回个微笑嘛!

我是明白的。问题并不在于我是不是会错了意。就算他并不是注意到我,也不是对我有意思;就算是我自作多情;就算他年纪轻了点,也未必合得来... 我还是可以报以一笑,打个招呼,示意友善。

我就是感情太懦弱了,少了自信,没有勇气。

我想起了席慕蓉的 《莲的心事》
... ...
青涩的季节又已离我远去
我已亭亭 不忧 亦不惧
... ...
无缘的你啊
不是来得太早 就是太迟!
我想,现在,我比较有信心了吧,但或许,已经错过了一段缘。

0.0002 seconds

How do you measure 0.0002 seconds? How much can you row or run in that split millisecond?

Well, we missed out our chance to get into the next round in today's 5-crew dragon boat race by exactly that much time.

Granted that we did not perform as well as yesterday -- if we could manage the time we did yesterday, we would have come in first in our semi finals round and get into the minor finals. But to miss out our chance in the next round by that little time is something that's kind of hard to believe.

I could not help but wondered, what if I had cox'ed the boat better, kept it in a straighter course and not rocked the boat so much, or if I had just pull that one stroke harder....

Well, that's was the official results. Everything else is moot point after the fact.

It just leaves me wondering, how often in life, do we notice things that happened in an instantaneous moment that affect an outcome and our experience. I suspect that it probably happened a lot more often than we realized. Perhaps some decisions we made in that split second actually put us on a different course in life.