About Karma

It was reported on The Straits Times on 27 May 2008, that Sharon Stone was slammed for saying that the May 12 Sichuan earthquake was karma for China's treatment of Tibet.

She was quoted to have said:

"I'm unhappy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans because I don't think anyone should be unkind to anyone else... And then all this earthquake and stuff happened, and I thought, is that karma? When you're not nice, the bad things happen to you."

Well, I definitely think that the comments were uncalled for and extremely inappropriate.

However, I believe that this is the concept of Karma many people have. Do good and you reap good. Do bad and bad things happen to you.

Until just a few weeks ago, that's was what I believed karma to be too.

But a few weeks ago in the Sunday Dharma class at Buddha Dharma Mandala Society, Venerable Dhammika provided an explanation of karma which shattered my idea of karma which I have held for a long time.

Ven Dhammika explained that Karma conditions the type of experience we have. The effects of Karma is really experiential, not physical.

That is, if we strike a lottery, it is not because of the good Karma. Striking lottery is just luck and is not intrinsicly good nor bad. A person striking lottery may experience happiness as he shared his fortune, or he may experience insecurity or negative emotions hording the money. Thus, karma is not winning the lottery itself. Karma is in the experience the person experiences. If a person has cultivated a generous heart, he will derive happiness from the lottery winnings. Conversely, a person with greed and jealousy is like to suffer negative emotions.

That is not to say that there is no causal relationship between things that happen to us. If I work hard and get rewarded for it, there is definitely a cause and effect here. But not every cause and effect is Karma! While there is a causal relationship between hard work and reward, it is not the Law of Karma that determines the reward!

I was a little disoriented initially. It took me a long time to digest this, for this basically undermined some of my long-held beliefs.

But this also explained a very important question I had for a long time: that is if Law of Karma determines the "good" things that happens to us, then does the agent has free will? For example, if I worked hard and I was rewarded by my boss, did my boss reward me out of his free will or was he compelled by the Law of Karma. If we say a person met a cruel death because he had been cruel in his life, then does it mean the murder was simply carrying out the karmic effects, and therefor did not commit any bad karma?

I had been perplexed by question for a long time, and now Ven Dhammika solved it.

If I worked hard for the right reasons, I will have positive experience, whether or not I get a reward. However, if I was greedy, even if I get rewarded, I may still have negative experience, such as feeling angry that the reward was too little. The reward itself is not the results of karma. Karma is in the experience I have.

So "do good and you reap good" still holds. But the "good" results is not the things that happened external to you, but the experience within you.

Well, at least that's how I understood it. I am still internalizing it.

请别伫立在我坟前哭泣

请别伫立在我坟前哭泣，
我不在那里，我沒有睡去。
我是清风，拂过千遍；
我是钻耀，粼粼雪面；
我是金光，洒落满田；
我是秋雨，细细绵绵；
我是星光，淡耀夜里；
当你醒来，清晨静谧，
倾听鸟儿盘旋升空，
我就是那翼下之风！
请别伫立在我坟前哭泣，
我不在那里，我沒有逝去。

翻译讲的是“信、达、雅”。我常犯的毛病就是“宁顺而不信”。为了译文的通顺，常有省略或过分更动。译这首诗时，似乎又犯病了。但我觉得，译诗应忠实于诗意，不一定要忠实于字面吧!

这首诗以一个亡灵的观点来写，借以抚慰丧亲人。诗里有诸多意象（imagery)，以一种洒脱、安宁和柔情带来安慰。在翻译时，我尽量做的是把这些意念带出。

诗的第一句是简单直接的。我原先译成“请别在我坟前哭泣”，省掉了原文中的stand。我认为这不重要吧。另一方面，考虑到华人在坟前一般是跪着的吧。是站是跪，有不同的感觉吗？我拿捏不定，最后还是决定把stand带出，加了“伫立”。

第二句，主要的斟酌的是如何译sleep。多数译文用“沉睡”。沉睡是比较优美，但我觉得“睡去”会更好。第一是为了和“泣”押韵。第二，我觉得“没有睡去”更能表现出没有离去的感觉，比较贴近诗的心境。

有一首日语歌把第三句译成“我化作千风”，而歌名就是“千风之歌”。这接近原文字面，味道也不错。但我比较喜欢另一人译的：“我是千万遍的风拂过”。“拂过”，就像抚慰着安慰的对象。我把“千”从“风”转移到“拂过”，或许更能传达抚慰的心情。起初我译成“我是微风，拂过千遍”，但后来觉得
“清风”会比“微风”好，更能表现出亡灵的洒脱。有人用“疾风”，我就觉得破坏了诗意，失去的抚慰的心意。

许多译文把“I am the diamond glints on snow”这一句的重点放在diamond或snow上，把亡灵当作钻石或白雪。我的注意的则是glint。看这一句，我脑海浮现的是白雪上粼粼闪烁的光芒。原先，我译成“我是凌光，雪中浮艳”。我认为“凌光”就能带出diamond glint 的意象，不必硬要说“钻石”。但“雪中浮艳”就不理想。这只是为了和前一句押韵。想了很久，终于想到用“粼粼”。不过这就似乎和“凌光”起冲突。我不喜欢在同一句用了同音字。后来把改成“钻耀”，译回diamond这字。

当我读到“I am the sunlight on ripened grain”时，我想象的是一片金碧辉煌的稻田。金色，由ripen和sunlight带出。许多人把grain译成“谷粒”，这是直译，但少了一股旷阔荡漾的心情。我选择把grain译成田。起初，我把sunlight译成“日晖”，但是却失去的ripen的含义。最后我不直接译出sun 和 ripen，而是以“金光”带出阳光照在成熟稻田的景象。

诗的第七至第九，我认为是诗的高潮，却也是美中不足之处。前面几句都是对比的，每一对都押韵。这四句虽然都有押韵，但是理解上，却是前三句一组，留下落单的一句，似乎是为了押韵强行加上去的。

落单的那一句，“I am the soft starlight at night”，是挺不错的。这里有双声也有叠韵。但我总觉得破坏的诗的高潮，有一点anti-climax。考虑了很久，我觉得把这一句调到前面去，比较合乎前面的格局，也保留了另三句带来的高潮，再来也有一个从夜晚到天亮的时间过程。

When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.

这三句是比较难译的。多数的译文，把亡灵译成鸟。但是原文是I am the rush， 而不是 I am the bird！可是 rush 是什么呢？

先看第一句，许多人把重点放在morning。但我认为重点是hush。这词在此非常重要。它不只带出了一股宁静，传达了一种安宁，更给下一句的rush带来强烈对比，并改变了rush的意思。Rush 原来是急促的意思，但是因为前面的hush，我认为它变成了声音，是鸟儿展翅飞翔的声音，只有静谧（hush)中，才能听到的rush。

鸟儿的速度是另一字swift带出的。Swift是轻快的，不急不促的。不少人把swift译成燕子，我觉得是理解错了。我有考虑过swift会不会带双关，暗指那些鸟是燕子呢？我对燕子不是很了解，印象中好像是挺吵闹的，似乎不是 quiet birds，所以我不认为是燕子。

这三句带来了一个转折。前面亡灵说他如何存留世间，这里则转而呼唤哭泣的人。其中，最令我激动的是uplifting，也是诗的高潮。Uplifting，多振奋人心，多么令人释怀安心。如何译成这些意念呢？我想了很久，最后从另一首歌得到灵感，那就是 Wing beneath my wings， 翼下之风！

翼下之风，带出来rush所表达的声音，也表达了uplifting的意思。似乎，亡灵在说：我就是那翼下之风，默默地扶持着你！

最后两句结尾，基本是重复前面两句。最后那个die字，有人译为离去或死去。我选择了逝去，我觉得更能表达“我死了，但并没有消失”的感觉。

我是不懂得诗的。这只是一个尝试。见拙之处有待批评！

Do no stand at my grave and weep

Someone posted this in remembrance of a person who recently passed away. I thought it was a beautiful poem.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die.

在网上找中文译文，有好多版。我是不懂得诗。但总觉得不是很理想，有一些甚至好像错解诗意。

我尝试着自己翻译。这是第一版。

请别在我坟前哭泣，
我不在那里，我沒有睡去。
我是微风，拂过千遍；
我是凌光，雪中浮艳；
我是日晖，洒落满田；
我是秋雨，细细绵绵；
当你清晨醒来，静谧中,
鸟儿盘旋升空，
我是那翼下之风；
黑夜里，我是那淡淡星光。
请别在我坟前哭泣，
我不在那里，我沒有逝去。

三十而立，四十不惑

人说三十而立，四十不惑。

三十多岁了。虽然还是和家人一起住，感觉上，行思还算独立自主。

然而，最近却对事业感到意兴阑珊，对前景有点茫然。

事业要做什么？生活要如何过？人生要怎么活？

要换环境吗？或转行吧？或再修学呢？

是不是中年危机， 我不知道。但是该是时候另找出路了。

还有几年可寻思。

我不要到了四十时，对生命还有疑惑。

The loneliness of love

If we can love someone so much, how will we be able to handle it the one day when we are separated?

Is it possible, that we can love someone and never be afraid of losing them?

Is it possible that we can live our entire life without loving anyone at all?

That's my loneliness...


-- Mew's musings from Love of Siam

Innocence Lost 失去的纯真

看了《暹罗之恋》里（Love of Siam) 桐和缪的之间初恋，突然感到好像遗失了一段纯真。

一段青梅竹马的感情，渐渐发展成羞涩的初恋，到最后无言的结局......

清清淡淡的，天真纯稚的，青涩又真诚。

少年时的爱情，天真无邪。

我没尝过。

青春不在，对爱情，多了质疑、保留、顾虑和无奈，少了纯真、憧憬、羞涩和热忱。

失去的时光，永远不能再来。

年少的初恋，不可能懂了。

那是一段失去的纯真。


The Love of Siam is a movie about love. The mainn plot was about the love between two young boys, a childhood friendship, blossoming into a sweet teenage first love, but aborted as quickly as it just started to grow. Yet, the movie had many subplots of love: of a parents' longing for a lost daughter, of a son's love of his defraying family, of a old granny's memories of her husband, of a grandson missing his dead grandma, of a girl unrequited crush...

The love between two protagonists, Tong and Mew, is so sweet and innocent.

The first loves during when we were young, seems so innocent and pure, simple and subtle, a little rash and immature perhaps, but full of passion and sincerity.

I never knew what was it like.

As I get older, my views towards love gets a little more skeptical, a little more practical, with more reservations, less glamour, and perhaps a bit of resignation.

We can never go back to a time past. I can only imagine what it might have been.

It was an innocence lost.