It is not about being picky. It is about finding happiness.

Your mother told you so. Your father told you so. Your relatives told you so. Your friends told you so. Even Mr Lee Kuan Yew told you so.

Don't be too picky. Settle for someone less than perfect.

There is even an advertisement the ministry commissioned to "educate" people about this.

But really, this is not a matter about being picky. It is about finding happiness.

Today, I finally found in Ms Shenton (a columnist in the Chinese language My Paper, whom I believed is married)， a person who is able to empathise with the middle-age single and tell it as it is.

The fact is, the partner you end up with is frequently not the same as the ideal partner in your dreams. But there is nothing sad about this, because, as you know it in your heart, true happiness is meeting someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Before Mr Right appears, you impose on an imaginary person requirements such as appearances, physique, hobbies, etc. You can dream about how handsome, how great and how romantic he is.

But when you find meet the right man, you will abandon all the requirements you have. Even if he is not as outstanding or as good-looking as you imagined he to be, you would not have thought it a compromise on your ideals.

Dear Makei-Inu sisters, what you really insisted on, is not about finding the ideal man. Your insistence is really about finding happiness. Have confidence in yourself. Don't wait passively. As long as you do not give up the courage to love, even if you are just an ordinary girl, you will be able to find your happiness eventually.

- from My Paper, 30 Jun 2010

Note: Makei-Inu (まけ‐いぬ【负け犬】), is a Japanese word which literally means "failed dog", and is used to refer to single ladies above 30 years old.


单身者所常面对的舆论，就是自己太挑了，不切实际地要求完美的配偶。的确，每个都会对理想伴侣有一定的要求与条件。然而，我们都明白，没有什么人是十全十美的。当我们遇见心仪的对象时，即使不符合原先的种种条件，也不会觉得是一种妥协或委屈。

其实，我们的坚持，并不是要求一个完美的梦中情人，而是一种勇于追求幸福的坚持。

事实上，所选择的终身伴侣往往和心中的理想伴侣未必吻和。这不是一件难过的事，因为你心里知道，当你遇上了一个愿意共度一生的男人，才是真正的幸福。

真命天子还没有出现时，你会把外貌、身高、爱好等条件付诸一个想象中的人物身上，那时你可以尽情构想属于自己的这个理想人物有多帅、多伟大、多浪漫。

而当你遇到那对的人时，之前所有的标准都会被抛诸脑后。即使他不那么优秀，不是你理想中那个样子，你也不会觉得这是一种妥协。

各位败犬姐妹，其实你所坚持的，不是那个梦想中的男人，而是勇于追求幸福的坚持。不要质疑自己，不要被动等待，幸福需要自己去紧紧抓住。只要不放弃爱的勇气，即使是再平凡再普通的女生，也能迎来自己的春天。

《败犬的最终幸福》 - Ms Shenton
《我报》 2010年6月30日（星期三）