Counting calories

I was browsing at the NTUC Fairprice just the other day and saw a bottle of stewed mushrooms going for $1.50. I love mushrooms. This came in a nice bottle and the contents looked quite tempting as well. At $1.50 it's really quite cheap.

Actually, I thought it is amazingly cheap. When I looked at the nice bottle, I could not help but wonder about all the resource that went into making the bottle, the metal lid, cooking the mushrooms and then transporting it from China to here. Are all these resources worth just $1.50.

It's not that I have anything against cheap food. In fact, I hate inflation and would like to see food prices remain cheap. But I think we are really not paying for the real cost of the food. $1.50 really does not cover the environment costs and social costs involved in making that bottle of stewed mushrooms.

I remember there was a documentary years back (it was when I was in Junior College, so that's like almost 20 years ago. I remembered that because my JC classmates laughed at me when I brought up the topic) which pointed out the gross inefficiency in the way we gain energy from our food. The irony is that the calories we derived from canned food, for example, is really a fraction of the total calories that is used to get it to our dining table. Energy was used to mine the tin ore, refine the ore into tin, manufacture the tin cans, cook the food, package the canned food and transport it -- the total energy used in the whole process far exceeds the few calories we derived from the food in the can.

I had a good look at the bottle of mushrooms and then put it back on the shelf. I decided that eating fresh is healthier and less demanding on the environment.

冬季到台北来看雨

直到定票前，我还一直犹豫不决。定了机票之后，开始找台北的资料，才发现，原来台北有这么多东西可看和玩，这才后悔没计划多呆几天，现在要改期却太迟了。

这是暂时的预定行程：

第一天:抵达、晶晶书库、师大邻里、师大夜市。
第二天：龙山寺、希望广场假日农会、晶晶书库、二二八和平公园、重庆南路书店街、士林夜市。
第三天：故宫博物院、孔庙、重庆南路书店街、五分铺、成品敦南店、敦化夜市。
第四天：九分、淡水、渔人码头、华西夜市。
第五天:农禅寺、北投普济寺、北头泡温泉、猫空。
第六天：国父纪念馆、中正纪念堂、返回！

《西风颂》

记得几年前看过这么一个同志故事，故事里的其中一个主角绝望地这么说：

人们说，冬天来了，春天还会远吗？
但我问，这个冬天已经形成，要我如何度过这个严冬？

的确，如果度不了眼前的严冬，春天再近也没用。
有时，我们以乐观的态度看某些事，却忽略了正在困境中挣扎的人的感受。

之所以想起这段故事是因为最近发现原来“冬天来了，春天还会远吗？”这一句是出自一首英文诗《西风颂》 （Ode to the West Wind）。这诗的最后一句是：

If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?

棋局

人生在世，千谋万虑，赌胜争强，奇奇幻幻，死死生生，无非一局围棋。
只因参不透这座迷魂阵，所以为它所误。

《镜花缘》

真正的艺术家

白求恩（Norman Bethume） 的那一篇 A True Artist 要翻译的话实在是不容易。

这一篇是挺不错的翻译，值得参考。

真正的艺术

真正的艺术家狂放不羁。他自由自在，悠然自得地在自己个性的川流中畅游。他倾听自我，尊重自我。

他以深海巨鲸的姿态，浮现在日常生活中的阳光下，打破人们习以为常的平静生活的洋面，轻松愉快、严肃认真、嬉笑自若。他酷爱生活，拥抱生活。他渴望与各种人物同命运，共呼吸。他成了所有人都化身。

艺术家的职责就是要惊世骇俗，唤醒沉睡的人们，震撼那些自鸣得意的社会中坚。他提醒世人不要忘记在黑暗中摸索的往昔岁月，向他们昭示当今世界，并为他们指引新生的道路。他既是时代的产儿，也是时代的先锋。在他亮相后，人们始感困惑，开始对那些本来深信不疑的事物产生了怀疑。他令静止、固定、僵死的一切开始躁动起来。在一个惧怕变革的世界里，他公开宣扬，变革乃是生活之本。他是一个鼓动家，一个打破平静生活的人物--聪颖敏捷、充满渴望、坚定果断、不知疲倦和引发不安。他是活跃于人类灵魂中富有创造力的精灵。

摘自《译心译意》

The True Artist

The True Artist by Norman Bethume

The true artist lets himself go. He is natural. He swims easily in the stream of his own temperament. He listens to himself. He respects himself.

He comes into the light of every-day like a great leviathan of the deep, breaking the smooth surface of accepted things, gay, serious, sportive. His appetite for life is enormous. He enters eagerly into the life of man, all men. He becomes all men in himself.

The function of the artist is to disturb. His duty is to arouse the sleepers, to shake the complacent pillars of the world. He reminds the world of its dark ancestry, shows the world its present, and points the way to its new birth. He is at once the product and preceptor of his time. After his passage, we are troubled and made unsure of our too-easily-accepted realities. He makes uneasy the static, the set and the still. In a world terrified of change, he preaches revolution -- the principle of life. He is an agitator, a disturber of the peace -- quick, impatient, positive, restless and disquieting. He is the creative spirit working in the soul of man.

I came across this a few days ago. Thought it's rather interesting and thought-provoking.

I thought the first paragraph is precisely about being authentic, something I wrote about yesterday.

At first look, it is an exaltation of the the artist. However, I think there is much here that we can inspire ourselves to strive for. Not so much as trying to be the true artist who changes the world, but rather, to arouse ourselves from our slumber and complacency -- instead of waiting for the passage of a true artist.

Being Authentic

A friend told me once,

You are more than what you appear to be. You have a lot of opinions, emotions and thoughts, but you do not show them. You have too much inhibitions and restraints. You can't let go of yourself and express who you really are.

In a manner that only validated his observations, I only smiled and said nothing, giving no indication of whether I agreed or not.

Sure, I keep quiet on a lot of stuff people say about me. However, in most cases, I felt misunderstood. But for this one, I knew he spoke true. This is perhaps one of the keenest observations I ever heard a friend made.

I do want to be more authentic. I think that means being a little more expressive, a little more frank, a little more spontaneous, a little more earnest and be willing to share a little more.

Sometimes, I think I hide too much, projecting only a nice, if somewhat artificial and superficial image.

But after all these while, it's not easy being authentic. It is not easy to overcome the fear of being easy to read and hence vulnerable. It is not easy to overcome the fear of being thought of as less when the weaknesses are revealed.

Spirituality

I realize today that I never truly thought very much about what is spirituality or what does it mean to be spiritual.

In a fuzzy way, I always thought is about a sense of inner sense of well-being, that is achieved through the mental and emotional dimensions rather than through material attainment.

I always thought that it is a private and personal thing, something internal.

Therefore, I find Andy Ho's take on spirituality rather refreshing.

In today's The Straits Times, he said,

"Spirituality is not about fulfilled personal lives.
Instead it is living life to its fullness for the common good --
weeping together in sadness and feasting together in thanksgiving."

Andy Ho, True spirituality is not about 'me first'
The Straits Times, 21 Aug 2008 (Thurs) page A26.

Of course, spirituality is not something selfish. But I always thought of it as something achieved from inner reflection and cultivation rather than through interaction with others.

There is much to think about here.

My avatar and tag line

"I'm but a traveler in life and a paddler in the sea of samsara"

This is my avatar. Many people asked me, "Wow, is that you? A six-pack hunk?"

Of course the answer is no. The reason is simple. If I am that hot, I will put up my real photo instead of a cartoon. Ha!

I drew this a while back and liked it a lot, so I chose it as my avatar. This also fits my tag line because this is a picture of a paddler.

I can't remember how the line came to me. It draws from my interests in traveling and dragon boating. But it is also about how I felt about life.

Life is short and fleeting. In this endless cycle of birth and death, I feel like a traveler, visiting this life, this place, this time, only but for a short while. I do not wish to trample over anyone, I want my carbon footprints to be small. I hope I leave behind pleasant memories in those who I briefly met, and take with me a bit of positive karmic energy to my next destination.

Samsara is the Buddhist term referring to the endless cycles of rebirth. It is often described as the vast ocean, with sentient beings struggling and drowning in it. I do not wish to be drowning in Samsara. I would have my raft and paddler. The Other Shore is far and beyond sight. But I shall not be adrift. I paddle with my own effort and little by little I shall find my way there.

About me

I never quite figure out what to write under "About me" column in online profiles. Nothing ever seem right or accurate.

Yesterday, I had a stroke of inspiration and wrote something like this.

I'm not a sportsman, I'm just a weekend dragon boat paddler.
I'm not deeply religious, I'm just a Buddhist who tries not to neglect my spiritual development.
I'm not an artist, I just like to doodle a bit.
I'm not an environmentalist, I just try to reduce my carbon footprint when it does not inconvenience me too much.
I'm not an animal lover, I just try to respect life by not eating them.
I'm not a music maker, I just like to strum the guitar a little when I am seized by a sense of melancholy.
I'm not philosophical, I just think and speculate too much for my own good.
I'm not an avid backpacker, I just want to experience a bit of the world on a shoestring.
I'm not a translator, I'm just now learning to be one.
I'm not out and proud, I'm just a gay man trying to find my sense of well-being and exorcise my internal demons.
I'm not a hopeless romantic, I just yearn for a little physical and emotional closeness.
I'm not a hunk, I just hit the gym enough to be a wannabe.

At the end of it all, I am just a traveller in life and a paddler in the sea of samsara.

It is still not an accurate description of me and is not meant to be. It is just a little description of some of the things I do, some of the things I had been mistaken for and some of the things I hope to be. And it's just fun.

When a temple fund-raising degenerates into something more like a hungry ghost month celebration...

I just came back from a fund raising dinner for a temple with quite a bit of distaste.

Before this, I had pretty good impressions of the temple though I am not too familiar with it. But the dinner left me with a pretty bad impression.

There was an auction to raise fund for the new temple building. Personally, I don't think auction is a very suitable method for a Buddhist organization. But that's just me.

The auction did not go well. There were very few bids. The items were very highly priced. Most were more than ten thousands with a few items in the thousands. Not that the price were not justified. Some of the items were collectors' art work. However, the crowd did not look like the very rich type.

The problem I had was when the auction was not going well, they resorted to pressure tactics. They started calling out names and ask the named person to bid for a higher price. The contractor for the new building was there and was specifically ask to bid, dropping comments like "or perhaps we need to reconsider the deal..." What was worse was it was the abbot monk who went up on stage and was doing some of that. I thought that was quite unbecoming of a Buddhist organization and a Dharma teacher.

At an interval between the auction breaks, a few people broken into impromptu Hokkien sing-song and I thought the whole thing degenerated into what appears to be a Hungry Ghost Festival getai. A few other people at the same table thought so too.

I do understand temple building requires quite a lot money. But the way the auction was conducted gave me a really bad impression. I am not sure I am that willing to support that temple any more.

The week in passing

Angbao Inflation


Yesterday, there was a report on My Paper about "inflation" of wedding gift money.

It was reported that with prices going up, some wedding banquets costs as much as $1200 per table (of 10) at five star hotels. Hence the angbao inflation.

I find the logic some what convoluted. Since when are guests expected to pay for the newly weds lavishness?

Typically, guests would like to help the couple defray the costs by give a gift money that is about the per head price of the banquet. In old times, such gift moneys goes a long way towards helping the poor folks. Certainly in my parents time, it was so, for they were too poor to even pay for a few tables of feast at the neighbourhood restaurant for family and friends.

But what I find disturbing is for couples to have grand and lavish banquets AND expect the guests' angbaos to match it.

I say, if you want a lavish wedding you be prepared to pay for it. I am not going to pay for your extravagance. If you want five star and all, you make sure you can afford it. There are plenty of alternatives for those can't afford it.

It is not that I begrudge a gift -- for my close friends I still give angbaos that are "above market rate". And that's regardless of the venue and setting, even if it is just a simple buffet lunch after a solemnization at a temple or a church wedding.

I am just not willing to pay for others' extravagance.

Yes, I know prices are going up. All the more we should keep within our means.



It all about appearances

It was reported that the girl who sang at the Olympics Opening Ceremony who just lip-synching. The reason being that the real singer, 7 year old Yang Peiyi, "was not pretty enough to appear in front of a television audience of billions".

It's just another sign how much premium the society puts on physical appearances, and in this case, almost to the point of sacrificing integrity.


Right here waiting

OK. I confess. I am not immune to physical beauty.

Just early this week, I was snooping around and found the application call Zoosk on Facebook. It's something like a match-making application.

After adding it, I was browsing through the profiles. Given the minimal information available on the profiles (Zoosk does not link back to the Facebook profile), I'm afraid it's purely physical appearance that defines attractiveness.

So I send a few winks and flirts to a couple of guys whom I find attractive (sadly, based on nothing but a photo), though I skipped those that are too young (like 25 and below).

Now I'm waiting for a response....

Oh, it's been a few days. There has been no response. None at all.

I guess that's how things goes. You judge people by physical appearance. People also judge you by physical appearance.

The beautiful people gets all the attention. They need not settle for less. So the it's wishful thinking targeting those that are attractive in the first place.

OK, I guess that's enough of Zoosking around for now.


Gossip: Psst! Did you just break off with your boyfriend?

Over the past week, I saw on Facebook 3 friends who had their status change from being "In a relationship" to "Single".

That piqued my curiosity. But I am too polite to ask. I guess people who just broke off from a relationship are probably nursing a broken heart and do not like kaypohs poking their noses into it.

But it also showed how visible your romantic life can be to your Facebook friends.


Hungry Ghost month 1

I commented to a friend that there are plenty of headless people around in Trevvy and Fridae.

My friend commented, "Don't scare me! It's the Hungry Ghost month!"

Ha! They are scary indeed. I normally don't bother with headless people. I broke the rule once and had a blind date with someone whose profile picture did not had his head.

Bad experience. I won't break the rule again!

It's not that he's ugly or hideous. In fact, he was quite presentable.

It's just that those who are too scared to show his face for whatever reasons are just not my type.


Hungry Ghost month 2

Is the economy month really bad?

The Hungry Ghost month this year seems rather muted.

Typically this is the time when you see people making offerings everywhere and burnt paper offerings would be flying all over the place.

But it seems to me that there isn't that much of it this year.

Are people cutting back offerings because of bad economy? Or have that many people changed their religious beliefs?

Parades and Parades

It was the Olympics Opening ceremony last Friday night, and then the Singapore's National Day parade on Saturday night.

I caught bits and pieces of both with a yawn.

Such a waste of resources. So much pomp and grandeur and to what purpose?

I know China wants to showcase to the world and put up a grand show. But was it necessary to go to that extent?

As for the NDP, I guess it's a celebration. But I'm just a little jaded. Seriously does a grand NDP make people more patriotic? I think not.


Indignation

With the nation is celebration, it's also the time some gay people show their "indignation".

This year's program seems rather low key and muted compared to last year's. (Is it really the economy?)

But seriously, after so many years of being "indignant", perhaps it's time to drop that and move on to something else.

What's the point of being indignant if we gay people can't be proud of ourselves.

A bit of earth

For what is homeland
In which we planted
Our hopes, lives,
Dreams and memories?
But a bit of earth.

-- Christine Suchen Lim